Epic Fail.

I am the worst of the worst.  All my blabbing about being in a funk and wanting to get back on track.  How about...I FINALLY went grocery shopping and got healthy fruits and veggies and my regular eggs and such.  Do you think I worked out this morning?  Nope.  Take a guess what my excuse was this time...I woke up around 3:45a and could not get back to sleep for probably close to 2 hours.  That's actually a valid excuse in my opinion...but fuck.  I could have freaking gotten up at 7.  It actually probably would have put me in a better mood during the day.  Even with all my healthy food I bought, I induldged in my homemade lasagna (that's right, homemade), and cheez-its, and beer, and a spoon of peanut butter.  Ughhhhhhhhhhh.  I'm so mad at myself.  Something has to change.  Seriously.  Where the hell did my motivation and dedication go?  My running/gym buddy can't do mornings with me this week, and with my job, it's impossible for me to go to the gym at a decent hour in the evenings this week.  I'm frustrated with myself for not making time and not making my health and fitness a priority.  How can I flip that switch in my brain again??  Ask me if I am working out!! 

EXCITEMENT of the moment.

I know this is old news, but.....


LADY GAGA ANNOUNCES HER MONSTER BALL TOUR!!!!!!!!!!! 


In love!  K and I completely plan on going.  She hits Atlanta on 12/28.  I can not wait.  It's going to be fabulous!  Anxiously awaiting Atl tix to go one sale.  Not going to lie, I was super excited to see her and Kanye together.   Here's in hopes that her solo tour will be even more fabulous since all attention can be devoted to GaGa.

Love.

Let's Break It Down.

The weekend has been eventful.  I went to a birthday party for my adorable sister, MGK, who turned 7!

MGK at Christmas 2008.

 

MGK, June 2009

Since my camera is broken, I wasn't able to take any pictures of MGK at her birthday this year.  I can probably gank some from my mom after she posts them.  Rest assured, she took PLENTY of pictures.  So we had a combo birthday party for MGK and an ex-aunt whom my mom has reconnected with.  We ate some kick-ass nachos, which were probably the higlight of the evening for me (big surprise it was food?!). 

Saturday we had some friends over and grilled out.  We ate racks of lamb, baked potatoes, cous cous salad, and Terrapin/Left Hand Depth Charge floats.  Yum!  We also played three rounds of Clue.  I forgot how much I miss playing board and card games.  D won two rounds, and yes, I won one round!  BAM!  I can be good at games ;)  Today, we are about to head out to serve Terrapin at some wine festival.  I am hoping to also knock out some grocery shopping afterwards so we can have some freaking healthy food in this house again!

Ok...so I've had some major life changes on my mind.  Recently I've been talking about big changes in my life.  Pretty much everyone, including my current bosses, know that I am searching for another job.  One main reason for this being that D and I are going to be moving soon with his job.  Since I haven't found my passion to be in the work of public social services, I am attempting to pursue teaching.  I really think that teaching is where my heart is.  I want to work with kids to be successful in education.  I am working on some things to try and get a job opportunity in teaching, but there is no guarentee.  D and I have been talking recently about looking for jobs and such.  I attempt explaining to him that I think it will be quite difficult for me to find a job in teaching or even public social services.  Blame the economy, I know.  I mean at my current job, we've been in a hiring freeze for as long as I can remember.  I try to explain to D that it will most likely be quite difficult for me to find a job because there are no jobs out there now.  D says, "there's always jobs.  There's the service industry."  I say that I have no experience in the service industry and people with experience will always get the job over me.  D says, "I could probably get you a job at _____________ in Raleigh."  I obviously have mixed feelings about this.  1) I am grateful that D would help me in getting a job, but 2) I do not want to move to NC to work at another job that I dislike.  The conversation continues as we drive to Kroger.  We pass a person sitting on the side of the road, holding a sign to advertise for the local Halloween store.  D says, "See you could always get a job doing that."  Wow.  No words.  I would go back to school (and inevitably raise my school loan debt) before I would take a job sitting on the side of the street holding a sign.  This whole conversation actually increased my job search though.  I have started putting out applications and feelers for different stuff to get into.  I'm nervous though.  I'm nervous that the potential stuff I am working on will fall through and I will be back to square one.  I am nervous that nothing will work out, that I will be stuck in the south with another job I hate.  I am nervous that I will never be able to pursue/achieve my dream of teaching without incurring endless amounts of more school loans (no one wants to know how much I already have...and keep in mind this was to achieve degrees that I no longer want to utilize).  I guess all I can do it keep trying.  Put in applications and work towards what I really want to do.  It is also way more difficult to apply and interview for jobs when you live out of state.  Sigh.  The thought of it all is stressful and overwhelming.  One thing I do know: I definitely want to move and I definitely want to move with D.  I have to be confident that things will work out for the best (or at least the way they are supposed to).  At least I have D to embark on whatever kind of journey/adventure is in store for us.  I am happy that he has a job he loves.  If nothing else, I know how important it is to do something you love.  It definitely affects quality of life when you don't enjoy the job you work.  Patience is a virtue, right? 

Best Gossip Girl Ever.

Sorry I've been a little out of touch.  I have had a pretty stressful weekend/week.  But D took me out to a Mexican dinner and made it all better.  It's over and I am going to focus on some other stuff in the meantime.  In REAL IMPORTANT news....watching Monday night's episode of Gossip Girl.  First order of business:  dying over this dress Serena wore:

Beautiful.

And in reality of items I could NEVER own (because I could NEVER afford):

It's Alexander Wang, Slinky Vicose Long Sleeve Goddess Dress
$590 at tobi.com

In other Gossip Girl news, dying over Chuck Bass' kiss with a guy.  It was short, but so sweet ;)  Oh but the episode has so many twists and turns.  Hating on Vanessa because she dates Ed Westwick in real life.  I will swoon over him foreverrrrrrrr ;)  I wish I could be a guest star on Gossip Girl just to wear the amazing and beautiful clothes.  

 

At least tomorrow is Thursday.  One day closer to the weekend.  D and I have a lot of big decisions coming up and honestly, I am just ready for answers.  So much is up in the air.  I need answers.  I'm ready to move.  Update more later :)

 

Pictures courtesy of Iheartthat.com

Weekend Update.

 D and I from Halloween last year; Pac Man and Ghost.  

It's the weekend again.  D is out of town in Virginia Beach and I am stuck here in rainy Athens.  I can't complain though.  I had the opportunity to go...but I already had a furlough and holiday from work last week and I would have had to take off Friday and Monday to go to VA.  I also have to take off Wednesday.  I figured we didn't need to deal with finding someone to watch the dogs again.  Anyway...babbling aside, I didn't go.  I've been finding ways to keep myself busy though (even with my limited budget).  Last night, I went to eat at Clocked downtown with CH, whom I went to high school.  We had a really good time catching up and chatting about how people from high school had changed.  It was a nice change of pace to hang out with someone I haven't seen in a while.  On a ranting note, I am so over trying to hang out with people who don't even try.  Please don't tell me that you want to get together if you are not going to exert the effort to actually set up a time.  Anyway, we had a good time.  It was nice to get out of the house for the night.  Ps. I had the hummus sammie at Clocked.  It was pretty yummy!

Let's see today I am hanging out with KayD (my running buddy...although we haven't gotten to run recently because it has been raining like a mofo in Athens).  She got tivo (which I maintain is one of the best inventions EVER), and we're going to watch Melrose Place :)  I can't say that show is anywhere near being good, but it certainly makes us laugh.  Then tomorrow, I'm going shopping with K for her halloween costume, and then ordering pizza with K and CAP.  Busy weekend!  I'm working on project all the while too.  I bought supplies for my project from Michael's yesterday.  My bill came out to a whopping $27, and I think I may have to go back for more supplies.  Yay for weekends!

So I have a few topics that I've been thinking about more in depth:

WEIGHT: Ugh...don't even get me started (although technically I started this).  I haven't weighed myself in weeks because I'm scared.  D and I have been eating absolutely terribly since we really haven't had any good food in the house.  And we really haven't had the money to do substantial grocery shopping.  I am waiting on my travel check from work and plan to do some shopping after that comes.  I have been eating the worst of the worst...fast food, Mexican, ugh all of my weaknesses.  I have got to get out of my funk!  I need some major motivation.  I haven't been going to the gym...which I've been dishing out $32/month.  I haven't been doing anything.  I need to get back into my healthy mindset.  I'm not sure what switched in my brain to make me want to be lazy again.  I mean I have an elopement dress to get smaller for!  And I want a sexy beach body for the elopement itself ;)  Send motivation my way! 

HALLOWEEN: D and I have been trying to figure out what to be this year.  I don't really have the money to do something super creative (ie. Pac Man and Ghost last year) or to buy something.  Hmmm...where does that leave me?  Creative costumes on a dime?  Personally, I'm not the biggest fan of Halloween.  That's why I made it my mission last year to think of something creative for D and myself.  It actually did make me enjoy Halloween because our costumes were awesome, unique, and super cute.  We can't think of anything this year.  Halloween is also on a Saturday, which means we are obligated to do something.  Ideas?  I may do some research today...

MOVING:   So...D talked to a couple of people at Terrapin and we found out that they are pretty flexible as to where we can move next year.  Yeah!  Sort of our three options:

• North Carolina:  Pros: Closer to home, cheaper cost of living/ability to save more money?, warmer; Cons: Still stuck in the south, closer to home, possibly the lack of opportunity to move farther away at another time (I don't want to be stuck in the south for another 5+ years and not have the ability to branch out and experience living in different areas of the US.)
• DC area (DC/Virginia/Maryland):  Pros:  Middle of the road...not too far from home but not super close, possibility of more job opportunities for me, variety of living options (city, rural, suburban); Cons: cost of living, colder
• Philly/NJ:  Pros: City living, not in the south, possibility of more job opportunities, closer to other amazing cities and places (NY, Canada, etc.), variety of areas to live; Cons: cold, long way from home & Athens for D (could be build up our sky miles?!), cost of living, cold

So...who knows.  D is leaning towards NC...maybe because of the distance and the cold.  I'm leaning toward the more northern places.  My thoughts are that there are more opportunities up north for me finding a job (in teaching or social work), and I'm so ready to branch out from the south.  I am afraid if we move to NC, we won't get another opportunity for a while to make another move.  D does say that he can see some pros of living up north.  I have great dreams of exploring and living in new and different places with my soon-to-be husband :)  Of course, we'll have the opportunity to explore a new city together wherever we move.  That's exciting.  I'm exciting to have a variety of choices.  I'm also lucky to have a fiance who is supportive and willing to move for me.  I'm lucky that Terrapin is being flexible with us.  Now, I can only hope that I can have some real job options and opportunities.  Ultimately, I'll be happy wherever we go because I get to embark on a new adventure with D.   Hopefully, we'll have some real answers soon.  We really need to take time to explore the Philly and DC areas.

Ps. There is no Law and Order marathon on today...so I'm watching my faithful standby...BEVERLY HILLS 90210 :)  Love it.

On the coast of Italy.

Engagement story time!  Just for S, I'm posting my engagement story.  Although I'm sure some others (yes, I'm talking about the large group of 3 people that actually probably read this?) care.  So....here goes the long, really in-depth version:

**Side note:  D and I HAD NOT talked about getting married.  I typically went on long rants about how I hate marriage.  D even mentioned that I had said before that I didn't want to get married.  Prior to our trip to Europe, I kid you not at least two people asked me if I thought we would get engaged in Europe.  I bawked at the comment and said no way.  I also noted that even if we were considering engagement, D has been saving up for this trip with all his money and he couldn't afford a ring.  Now, this in no way meant I was actually opposed to getting engaged.  I love D and of course want to spend the rest of my life travelling and being together.  So....needless to say I was NOT expecting an engagement.**

Sooooo on we go off to Europe for a month.  Fast foward to Cinque Terre, Italy.  The most beautiful, fabulous place on Earth.

For the record, pictures do not do Cinque Terre justice.  Anyhow, we arrive and we are hanging out taking in the sights.  We get to our perfect little apartment that we rented with a great view in the city of Cornigilia.  

The inside of our apartment and the view from our window.

So we get settled in and immediately get ready to explore the city.  For those of you who don't know, Cinque Terre is made up of five little towns.  We stayed in the smallest, Cornigilia.  I actually loved it the most because it was the most quaint.  It was less touristy.  The towns are on the coast of Italy by the Mediterranean Sea.  They used to be only accessible by stairs and foot.  Now the area has grown in popularity and tourism (although still not overwhelmed with tourists).  They now have some cars owned by the locals.  Each city has a train that runs between.  Beautiful.  Go there.  When we got there I immediately told D I wanted to live there.  Anyway...back to the story.  So we were trying to figure out which of the trails to check out first.  We were about a week or so along in the trip and didn't really have much clean clothes at this point, so we decided on the easiest trail.  And I'll note, there was no pressure from D as to which trail to pick...nothing.  We had explored Cornigilia a little bit before we went to catch the train.  D made me run back into the apartment before walking down to catch the bus (to take us to the train station).  I will admit, I started wondering...why is he rumaging around in the room and wasting time.  I didn't think much of it though.  We made ourselves down to wait for the bus.

  D and I exploring in Cornigilia.  I actually really love this picture.

D & I waiting at the bus stop.  Little did I know there was a ring in that pocket :)

So when we are waiting to catch the train to Riomaggiore (where the trail starts), it starts to get really overcast and began raining.  It was really quick lived and we didn't care that much.  We caught the train to Riomaggiore and the rain conveniently followed us there.  But instead of just rain...it turned into hail!  So we are trying to stay covered and exploring a little bit.  Finally the rain/hail somewhat subsides and we decide to brave the trail.  How convenient, the trail is called Via dell'Amore, the Walk of Love.

Seriously, I don't  think it was intentional.  It just happened that that was the easiest trail.  D and I get on the trail.  I'm wet and cold and it starts hailing again.  The trail is beautiful though.

D tried to get me to go down this set of steps.  Not happening.  I'm afraid of heights, wearing wet Chacos sandals and a long dress...not prepared to go down slippery stone steps.  Finally we get to this little inlet area of rock on the trail.

So there are some people walking by and I get them to take a picture of us in front of the inlet unexpectedly.  I am trying to rush D to get under the covered area because I am cold and it's drizzling.  He says, "let's just stay here for a little bit and take it all in."  So I give in.  Then he starts talking about how it's been a great four years together.  That's where it all gets blurry.  The next thing I know...I am accepting a ring and in utter shock!

Utter shock/excitement can be observed on this ridiculous picture of myself.

Seriously, D did the best job EVER picking out my ring.  Pictures can't do it justice either.  It's simple but complicated.  It's antique-y looking, which is what I wanted.  He literally picked it out completely alone (because remember we hadn't talked marriage and I hadn't given ring sample pictures).  It is perfect.  It even has a matching wedding band.  I adore it.  I told him about a month ago that I still find myself admiring it.

Ok...to make it even more perfect.  The engagement happened on June 22.  He had bought the ring in December!  He had been keeping the secret since December.  He also carried the ring to Europe.  I walked around giddy the rest of the day.  I told him he didn't even get down on one knee...he did.  My haze made me forget.  He waited until most people were off the trail and thought the rain would be good for clearing people out.  He said he did this becuase he knew I wouldn't want a lot of people around (wow, he knows me too well).  He totally asked my parents before we left (even though I couldn't have cared less if he did that).  He just planned so well but also made everything so casual.  He said he was either going to propose in Cinque Terre or Interlaken in the Swiss Alps.  Well he chose on the coast of the Mediterranean and it could not have been more perfect.  I loved writing this post because I love reliving that moment.

Can I order one week at a relaxing, stress-free spa?

I'm really stressed. Not necessarily because I am overwhelemed at
work...I am. My method of dealing with that stress is
procrastination. I know...probably the worst way to deal with
stress. But that's another topic. I'm trying to finish my book club
book and I'm just not interested. I can't focus on it and just keep
worrying about everything else going on in my life. I'm so anxious
about mine and D's future...where we're going to live, what I'm going
to do. I'm stressed about money and weddings (wtf! I'm not even
planning an actual wedding). I'm stressed about the possibility of my
car breaking down any day now and not being able to afford a new one.
I'm struggling to get through the days at my job. I'm all around
stressed in most areas of my life. That's really not a good place to
be. Maybe some of it is due to my funk of eating bad and not working
out. I need to get back on track, but I also need an effective stress
management tehnique. The chronic headaches are getting to me (as a
matter if fact, one conveniently developed while blogging about my
stress). My 4 day weekend wasn't enough to relieve the stress :(

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