Monday, November 1, 2010

Inspiration downfall.



On Saturday, I mentioned how much I love fall.  Yet today I am feeling without inspiration of something to write about.  I've been too busy to think about decorating our new house.  I've been too tight with money to buy any new clothes or shoes (which I'm dying for shoes right now).  We don't have cable so I'm not watching as much TV.  I've been talking about running in practically every post so I don't want to bore you with that.  I've been eating terribly lately.  I'm still dreaming of traveling somewhere, but I talk about that all the time too.  I'm in a writing slump.  So what has actually been on my mind lately, well I'll summarize:

  • Which Praxis test to take next
  • I want to teach elementary school, not middle school
  • The fact that I want to run a race every month to keep myself motivated to run
  • Eating...specifically what I can eat that is terrible for me and cancels out any running I've actually done
  • How to survive the rest of this school year/is there anyway I can transfer to another school without burning bridges
  • Ray LaMontagne 
  • Books I've been reading and movies I've been watching while D has been out of town
  • How I should totally be going to classes at the gym, yet I am not
  • What the heck I am going to do for xmas gifts this year
Half of this stuff means nothing to you and it's highly probable that you do not even care.  Obviously the majority of my thinking time is spent wondering about school.  I'll be honest...middle school students are not for me. I still love (most of) my students.  I still love teaching.  I still like teaching middle school more than I ever thought I would.  My heart always was with younger children.  I can't handle the attitude and disrespect of middle schoolers.  It's partially my fault; it's partially their fault.  The administration (principal and assistant principals) at my school is unsupportive.  One AP in particular is rude and has mildly humiliated me in front of co-workers.  I'm dealing myself another hand (planning to take Praxis tests to become certified in other areas) and preparing to switch schools as soon as possible.  In my county, there are a couple of positions open that I would die to have.  My problem is that I feel some loyalty to my school.  They hired me in the middle of last year as an uncertified teacher with zero experience teaching.  I unofficially committed a year (or two) to the school.  I'm sure I could sit down with the principal and have a heart to heart about it, but it really doesn't excuse leaving mid-year.  Where does that leave my students too?  Then I also wonder if someone else couldn't do a better job with them than I am currently doing.  Would a better teaching opportunity pass me by because of my loyalties?  I hear the first year being a teacher is the hardest.  I'm not giving up.  I always knew elementary was the place for me.  

Again, sorry for a lackluster post.  I know a lot of this doesn't make sense.  These questions/thoughts/ideas are occupying most of my mind recently. 

To end on another note, I do daily free-writing with my two language arts classes.  They can write about anything, but I also supply them with a topic (since most of them "don't know what to write about" if I just leave it open).  One day the topic was "Finish this phrase, 'Life is like...'"  A few of them said, "Life is like a roller coaster."  They all put different reasons why.  They're right though.  In August/September, I was on an up.  The high lasted even as I was going down.  I was starting the school year, things were going well.  We were happy looking at houses, etc.  I was doing wonderfully working out and felt good about myself again.  Then I hit that dip.  I'm not quite sure what the roller coaster will do next...



Sorry for the cheesiness of the roller coaster analogy.  Hopefully inspired posts will be coming soon.

3 comments:

Claire said...

i love the idea of running a race monthly. that would certainly help me stay movtivated!

i've been thinking about christmas gifts too. me staying at home=not a lot of extra spending money! i need to start now so i can space it out.

no apologies for blog posts necessary. its your blog! write what you want!

The Girlie Blog said...

If I was a teacher, I'd do elementary school too. Those little kiddies are so cute!

just a girl said...

Thanks for this post. I'm always comforted by other people's thoughts. I know sometimes it may feel like you're just rambling, and even though I don't teach, I appreciate your indecision. I feel like I'm constantly indecisive and nervous about things like this in my life.

For what it's worth, my best friend just up and ended her contract before the school year started to move to Europe for a boy. And I think she couldn't be happier with that decision. I say go for it!

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