Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Monumental disappointment and fail. It's the worst feeling. I've
been waiting to hear back about this program/job that I applied for.
The whole process was really long and stressful. Following my
interview, I had to wait like 3 weeks for a decision. Now I had been
trying to mentally prepare myself for NOT getting in the program. I
felt ready and had made tentative back up plans for not getting in
it. It didn't prepare me at all. After finding out yesterday that
indeed I did not get accepted, I lost it. There were so many mixed
emotions going on in my head...disappointment, frutration, stress,
etc. There are so many frsutrating aspects of finding out I wasn't
successful. First, I was frustrated with myself for allowing myself to
react that way. Next, massive frustration due to all of the energy and
stress I put in to the whole application process. Next, I'm annoyed
that I am right back to square one. D and I are no closer to figuring
out where we'll move or what I'll be doing next year. And I have to
go back through more application processes. And also there's the
frustration that comes with failure. D tried to tell me if wasn't a
failure....but it's certainly not a success.

After crying and being a mess last night, I woke up this morning and
literally thought it was a dream. I kept thinking I would get a "just
kidding, we rethought it and think you're a PERFECT fit for our
program" email. Yeah...not happening. I instead have the terrible
email they sent denying me. I intended to sit around and wallow in my
misery all day...instead I get the pleasure of being oncall for work.
Awesome. Currently sitting in the high school counselors' office for a
half hour waiting on a student. FML. I apologize for the depressing
post...although I think I deserve one. One day, I hope to have an end
in sight. An end to this draining job. An end to my time in Athens.

On a positive note, D has been supportive. I'm sure it's hard with the
pessimistic attitude I have going on right now. I appreciate him being
there for me though.

Sent from my iPhone

1 comment:

Sesh said...

So stressful, girl. Try to hang in there, for whatever reason this program just wasn't right-- but you're going to end up where you need to be, I'm sure of it. Keep your chin up!!


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