Monday, May 16, 2011

Everything will be ok.

I'm starting to feel myself spiraling.  I've mentioned a few times that this is the hardest part of the year for me, standardized testing.  This is stressful for a few reasons (I'm going to spit out some teacher jargon, my apologies):

  • Many of my students do not test well and have a history of not testing well (not that I can blame them with the stress they put on these tests).
  • If students do not pass the first time, they must be subjected to 5 hours of "remediation," listening to a teacher drone on about the subject per test.
  • I teach two core subjects tested.
  • Students who do not pass the re-test must have work sample folders (complied of not only work but a million other pieces of paperwork) made for each subject test not passed.
  • I judge myself and my teaching ability on my students' success on this test even though I shouldn't.
  • I got placed in a shit situation this year and feel like I was doomed for failure
  • I might have 16 work folders to compile in one week.
  • I might have to compile folders while also trying to plan for the remainder of the year and deal with crazy students.
I could probably go on.  Testing officially begins tomorrow, and I am a ball of nerves.  My students barely paid attention when reviewing and don't seem to care.  I drank too many beers alone this weekend.  I'm still trying to finish up last minute grading.  I'm bailing on the shred today and overate.  I'm afraid of how this week will affect my weight loss.

I looked to Weheartit to get some inspiration and push away a little of the stress and anxiety.

[I seriously feel like as a teacher, I need that tattoo on my wrist.]


 [here]

Everything will be alright.  I'll get through this no matter how many tears fall along the way.  I'll get right back into running tomorrow.  I just need to remember to maintain my routines and be strong. 

9 comments:

Megan said...

Hang in there!

Joanna said...

::hug::
I'm a first grade teacher turned HS teacher (due to budget cuts I was moved involuntarily) and feel like I was in a CRAP situation too. I teach remedial reading for students who read at an elementary level. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've cried so many times this year and I feel your pain. I have a class of 18 boys who have cussed me out on many occasions. You are doing the best that you can and you CANNOT beat yourself up for not being able to force them to learn everything you taught. Remember (and I know you know this) there are MANY other reasons why students don't succeed, you are only a piece of that puzzle. Your heart is so big, I can tell by your post, and you have done your part. Let it be, pray for them, and start counting down until our Summer break! You are almost there!

Danielle said...

I know how you feel! Even though I teach 4th grade, I have so many students who still work at a kinder or 1st grade level. It's not fair to the kids to be passed on from grade to grade and not be prepared for it.
I'm sorry you were put in a crap situation, but I'm sure you did the best with the kiddos that you could! I'll be thinking about you this week and I hope everything turns out well for you!!

Olivia.Dee said...

words to live by: "everything WILL be okay."

Tyly said...

I'm sorry!

As a teacher, I feel for you. I am a second grade teacher, but next year I'll be teaching third. I'm not sure what state you're in, but here in Texas, third is a testing grade, and I'm scared!

Tara said...

I can totally relate! It's very easy to get caught up in judging how well you're teaching by your kids scores but just remember that you're a great teacher and you can't always do it all! I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed! Summer is right around the corner, you can make it!

stoppingfordaisies.com said...

Good luck! I hope it goes well!

Miss Teacher said...

I totally understand how you feel! I freak out about testing too. (But those work folders sound AWFUL!) We don't even find out who passed until next September and we tested in March!

Hang in there--you will make it through. SOOO close to the end of the year!

Claire said...

so sorry! the end of the year is so stressful. i hope this week goes better than you are anticipating. hugs!

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