Friday, May 20, 2011

Weighing in :: Life & weight.

This has been one tough week.  There's been tears shed (although more held back than shed), arguments due to my increased sadness and frustrations, and just plain lack of energy.  Wednesday we found out test scores.  I won't go into detail, but I think you can assume it wasn't good (those weren't happy tears).  Based on the students I teach, I should be looking at their growth (test scores from last year to this year), but for some reason it does not make me feel much better. 

I was feeling more positive yesterday after the parent phone calls were over.  Then I got my seventh grade scores.  This has been an extremely challenging and difficult year for me.  I've gotten little support from my administration and my teaching team.  I got stuck teaching three subjects, two of which I don't enjoy.  I got stuck teaching classes that were too big and having no inclusion (where I am a teaching support to another teacher) classes to learn from other more "seasoned" teachers.  I am a first year teacher with no prior experience teaching.  I feel as though I got punished for passing my teaching tests, while others were rewarded for failing.  I said before I feel like I was set up to fail. 

[I loved these books as a kid]

I know that I am strong though.  I will make it through the rest of this year.  Staying throughout the whole year has made me stronger.  I know that my attitude and urge to be in an elementary school has done little to help my situation this year.  I will make it through the next two weeks.  All I can do is keep working and cross my fingers in hope that I will find an elementary position where I can shine and better display my strengths.  If I am in the same position again next year, I KNOW I have a chance to succeed and my situation can only go up from here.

In much more positive and uplifting news (thanks for letting me vent.  I promise once the next 13.5 school days are over, I will be flying high on positivity!), I weighed myself on Thursday.  I was scared because 1) Wednesday had been an awful, stressful, depressing day and 2) we indulged in some Mexican food with beer to cope with my day.

   [You know I can't get enough cats on scales]

To my amazing surprise, I was down another 1.2 pounds!  This is probably the best thing about this week (aside from the fact that D is wonderful and is taking me camping at the beach this weekend).  This puts me at almost five total pounds lost.  I couldn't stop talking to D about it yesterday.  My motivation has been fueled!  

I am more motivated than ever to finish the Couch to 10k program.  I'm about to be on week 5.  It's the same feeling I have about running.  I've never fully followed or finished a running training plan, and I am determined to be successful.  I haven't felt much success in work this year, which is part of the reason I am feeling so motivated to be successful in running.  My breathing has been on par.  I do feel like I was thinking that the doctor would give me some magic pill where I could easily run 3 miles with no breathing hassles.  Um, hello.  It's called endurance.  Mine still needs to build.  I am starting to have increased pain in my calves.  I know part of this is related to my need for new shoes, but do any of you runners have problems with tight calves?

Sorry for the crazy text heavy post!  Thanks for bearing with me if you made it this far!

5 comments:

Joanna said...

YAY Testing is OVER!! You did it. You did what you could and that's AWESOME that your kids made some growth. Stay positive buddy! You did what you could with such little support...( I know how that is) if you had tons of teacher's aides, parent support across the board, well behaved students, an endless amount of supplies, and no life and your students didn't make growth, I'd question you, but that's not reality right? ::hug:: hang in there!

Good job with keeping up with your running! I'm a new runner myself and have encountered everything from itchy legs to shin splints to tight calves...all have which gone away with time. Stretching helped me the most. Keep at it!

Megan said...

I remember having the crappiest day EVER at work (junior high school). I told myself, damnit, I may not have control over these kids, but I am going to have control over SOMETHING. That afternoon I ran a 10K for the first time.

In our occupation, we are the only ones who are held accountable. Parents? No. Students? No. I feel like it all falls down on me.

I don't think it's a coincidence that there are so many teachers that also run. It's a way to just let all that mess go and have an awesome feeling when it's done with.

stoppingfordaisies.com said...

Congrats on the weight loss, you're my inspiration! And 2 more weeks, I know these last weeks are crazy but you can do it!!

taylor said...

congrats on your success, that is awesome! i can imagine the test results being frustrating, but at least you're down over a pound! i'm currently working on couch to 5k and i like it! i never considered myself a runner, but this is gradually changing my mind. keep it up!

Meredith said...

I'm so glad we found each other's blogs! Wow, reading this post definitely made me take a deep breath about what I'm about to get myself into next year. I know this is such a hard time of year and it's so tough to get those kids testing well. I'm sorry you've had such a rough year! Everyone I've talked to has said that the first year is always really difficult, that you don't really figure out what you're doing until after your second year or so, and that you have to just push through. I'm sure you did a great job with your kids despite everything. You sound so intelligent and so committed to them.

Looking so forward to reading more of your blog and getting some tips and advice from you. Hope you had a great memorial day weekend!

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