Saturday, May 18, 2013

Forgiveness.

Ashley's apology the other day really got me thinking.  I rarely share about my family, my intimate relationships, friends...the real personal stuff that gets to the core of who you are.  Why?  Mainly, I think that some things should be kept private.  Things can be said in a moment; any one can read what I say in little space of mine. And to be honest, I like to focus on primarily the happy and positive aspects of my life.  That's what makes me most happy. Reliving the best parts of my life, not the worst.  Sometimes though, you have to be brutally honest with yourself and get to the heart of matters.


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Negativity can get the best of me.  At heart, I am a pessimistic and complaining person.  I've been trying to work on cutting some additional negativity out of my life.  I have drastically cut out blogs that annoyed me more than not and simply deleted (not just hid) facebook "friends" that gave me an additional reason to complain on any given day.  Unfortunately, the negativity, frustration, and anger that can not be cut out is family.

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Back to forgiveness.  One simple thing Ashley said really made me think,
"I forgive you because I love you."
As an adult, not child, of divorce, with two young siblings (and one older) who still live at home, I hold on to so much anger, frustration, hurt, and helplessness.  I have no relationship with my mother.  A multitude of emotions are the result of this faulted "relationship."  Anger, hurt, confusion, worry, frustration.  I often wonder what would go through my mind if she ever reached out to me, tried {again} to bridge that gap.  Could I forgive?  Could I forget?  So much of me feels like these two go hand in hand.  Is forgiveness as simple as Ashley says?  My mind says I can not forgive and certainly never forget.  The hurt and emotion seem to go too deep.  Is there an invisible line that is crossed by another that leads you to feel incapable of forgiving, feel the fear of continual hurt?


Obviously, my feelings and emotions go much deeper that I would delve into in this space.  The hurt that I feel goes beyond me, to others much more innocent and incapable of fully understanding.  Families are a complicated thing.  My only hope and wish is that this makes me a stronger and better person in the end.

7 comments:

Miz.November said...

I think that forgiving and forgetting are two totally different things. I tend to forgive quite easily....but it is my choice to not forget. It's that whole "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me." thing. Some things can be let go completely. But the hardest and most hurtful things cannot be forgotten so easily, nor should they be. Forgiveness comes with a realization that the person who hurt you is only human and we all make mistakes. But forgiving that person doesn't mean that you automatically forget their transgressions and trust them again.

Meghan said...

I like the serious side of you! This is such a thought-provoking post, because I am sitting here, analyzing my own relationships as I type this. I think I am more of a forgive, but not forget person. There are a few friends in my life that I can proceed with as normal, but in the back of my mind, I can't seem to forget the things they've done in the past. But the whole concept of forgiveness is a tough one, and definitely takes quite a bit of time. I hope you can come to a resolution with the things going on in your life and find peace with the decisions:)

Britta Marie said...

forgiveness is a hard thing to learn and maybe something that everyone will always struggle with! you can forgive and choose to not let what happened in the past, prohibit you from possibly healing a relationship in the future...but you definitely don't have to forget what happened. strong of you to share this :)

Ari @ The Pace of it All said...

I think it's hard to forgive and not be negative - I can relate (I need to be more like you and delete the blogs/people that are bothering me, rather than just letting them continue to bother me). But I think you have a reason for hurting so much, and that's hard to get over. I appreciate you sharing and wish you luck with this.

Alex said...

Oh love. I really wish I could come through and give you the biggest hug right now. You are SO strong. Stronger than you know. Families are so very complicated, and I understand not having a relationship with someone who should be so important in your life. I feel you. I wish we could just get coffee and talk about this together. Forgiveness is not easy. It also doesn't always happen. Sometimes we just can't forgive. And as much as people try to tell us we must and it's so important, I call bullshit. Those people don't know hurt like that. Don't pressure yourself to forgive people. Love you.

Ash said...

girl... i've come to conclude that forgiveness really IS that simple... it just takes TIME... shit, it took me well over ten years to get to this point..

and this "forgetting" nonsense, i cannot abide. i am an elephant, and i do not forget..

but don't put pressure on yourself (or maybe you need to? who knows.. my advice is hardly ever worth listening to).. when you are ready to forgive/forget/move on/have drinks/whatever, then do it!

but oh that last quote... it just feels easier to be miserable sometimes, doesn't it?

Exploring Woods said...

Thanks for sharing a more private side with us. Families are complicated...and I've found it just takes lots of time to be able to forgive, and possibly forget... hang in there dude. I'm here for ya!

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